they don’t all look alike

Plenty of online discourse regarding Friday Night Lights‘ fourth season has centered on its increasing resemblance to The Wire, which seems inevitable considering the appearance of not one but two Wire alums who have shown up alive—and, well, if not happy then at least breathing—in East Dillon, leading Vulture’s Andy Greenwald (my favorite FNL recapper by a longshot, because who else but the author of Nothing Feels Good can snark that Julie’s Habit for Humanity guy looks like someone in All Time Low?) to christen it The Wire: West Texas. The comparison is valid, of course, as no other show has picked up The Wire’s mantle of entwining community politics, various societal issues, and personal dramas in concurrent, reflexive narrative strands. The only difference really is that The Wire’s resolutions have always seemed neat (which is fitting considering the show is influenced by Greek tragedy), whereas FNL has always been much messier (which is fitting considering the show is influenced by, what, Austin indie- and post-rock?). I would like to say that I saw this happening last year, though. But it’s easier to point out when there are black people on the tv, eh Variety?

Aside from that faux pas, Brian Lowry’s article is full of so many on-the-money insights that it makes you want to shout “Hallelujah!” One of my favorites is this comparison between the two shows:

As for other areas of overlap, the fact that the two series have been largely ignored by Emmy voters speaks to a kind of myopia within that organization. While it’s impossible to collectively put members on the couch, the TV academy has historically had trouble identifying stand-out work by younger or minority performers — two categories represented in abundance on each of these shows.

Aside from large ensemble casts that make it difficult to single out individual players, these programs are so sharply executed by the casts and writing staffs as to make the characterizations look almost too easy, as if the performers must be barely acting at all.

Which is absolutely right on. But as with both shows, it really doesn’t matter. What matters is that, by the end, both will have had five glorious seasons of impeccable drama (my two favorite shows ever), and considering FNL’s start, that’s as much of a miracle as the show’s expansion from great television to great art.

taylor mayer

Just doing my weekly check of the Hot 100 and my initial “guh, Ke$ha is still #1″ disgust was tempered by seeing Taylor Swift’s Valentine’s Day song “Today Was A Fairytale” at #2, already tying the peak position she got with “You Belong With Me” (though “Fairytale”’s success is almost wholly due to digital downloads).

Followed by a delightful surprise:

Looking quite handsome lately, Ms. Swift!

Also what the hell is “Baby” by Justin Bieber ft. Ludacris?…After one listen, it is hilarious that Luda has followed up his collaboration with former tween sensation Jesse McCartney (“How Do You Sleep?”) with a collaboration with current tween sensation—and Jesse McCartney v2.0—Bieber, meaning some crazily mushy rapping that includes hilariously insincere-sounding pronunciation of “my HEARRRRT” in both songs (you know he really means to talk about his dick).

music of 2009, in list form

Because why the hell not?

Albums:

1. Taylor Swift, Fearless Platinum Edition
A total cheat considering Fearless came out last year, but I only discovered it this year. But because the Platinum Edition came out last month, I’m gonna say this counts, as it improves on the regular edition by giving us more Taylor; six more songs, in fact, all of which are generally tossed-off asides whether they are easy-breezy (“Jump Then Fall”), achingly pretty (“Untouchable”), or achingly sad (a piano-and-cello version of the album’s sarcastic “Forever and Always”). If she sounds this good when she isn’t trying, imagine how good she is when she does: constructing an album where the songs dialogue with each other, building up archetypes (“Love Story”) only to tear them down (“White Horse,” “Fifteen”), with charisma for days (“You Belong With Me”) even when she’s moping about (“You’re Not Sorry”). And finally, it takes a big heart to write something like “Fifteen” for the girls who are coming after you while also writing something like “The Best Day” for the woman who came before you.

2. The-Dream, Love vs. Money
Terius “The-Dream” Nash, along with producers Christopher “Tricky” Stewart and Carlos “Los da Mystro” McKinney have crafted remarkably symphonic r&b on this record; there is endless amount of noise to be fascinated by here, which makes it even more impressive that Terius’s personality shines through on his obsessive and often funny lyrics. He likes to talk about fucking. He likes to talk about love. He likes to talk about money. He worries that money is more important than love. But most of all, he wants to mess yo shit up. One of the (many) lines of the year that are contained here: “Girl, call Latisha, your beautician/Cuz your hair is gon need fixin’.”

3. Sunn O))), Monoliths & Dimensions
There is nothing quite like this record, a unique and terrifying experience. There can be terror in 17-minute drones, because, as with darkness, most of the terror comes with what you think is there. I would kill to see this band live, except I can barely deal with them on record.

4. Miranda Lambert, Revolution
I’ve said a few things here and there, but the more I listen the deeper this album becomes, and I daresay it’s her best. At least until the next one. And my hypothesis was proven right: It sounds perfect in a car.

5. Neko Case, Middle Cyclone
I say some things here.

6. Brad Paisley, American Saturday Night
His most complete album, and a portrait of a modern man—grateful for America’s mongrel consumerism (“American Saturday Night”); grateful for America’s past, present, and future (“Welcome To The Future”); grateful for his children (“Anything Like Me”); grateful for his wife (“Then,” “She’s Her Own Woman”); and hell, he even thinks wearing women’s underwear can be enlightening (“The Pants”).

7. Yeah Yeah Yeahs, It’s Blitz!
Is it possible that the Yeah Yeah Yeahs are underrated? After the yowly stomp of Fever To Tell and the misstep that was Show Your Bones, YYYs return with their best album to date, marrying the sounds of dance music to the propulsion of their punk-derived guitar music, creating a beautifully messy swirl in the process. It’s Blitz! starts off with their two best bangers (“Zero” and “Heads Will Roll”), setting you up for ass-shaking, only to build downwards to the fragile beauty of closers “Hysteric”—a song so good it could’ve been on Fleetwood Mac’s Mirage—and “Little Shadow.”

8. The xx, xx
I say some things about it here.

9. Electrik Red, How To Be A Lady, Vol 1
Terius Nash and Christopher Stewart construct a girl group; how could anything possibly go wrong? They write the music, the melodies, and put words in the girls’s mouths, and yet somehow the forcefulness of Electrik Red’s personae obliterate any kind of Svengali charge. Alternately vulgar (“W.F.Y.” or “We Fuck You”), sweet-sounding (“Friend Lover”), subservient (“Bed Rest”) and demanding (“On Point”) but always hilarious. Also responsible for one of the lines of the year: “I thought I wouldn’t really give a fuck/But now a bitch all in love.”

10. Shakira, She Wolf/Robin Thicke, Sex Therapy: The Experience
The awesome:hilarious ratio on both records were unparalleled this year, whether it was Shakira hoping your trip to France includes fleas and bad plumbing, or Thicke’s cheeseball lounge traxxx and the Snoop song where he sounds like Billy Crystal impersonating Sammy Davis, Jr. Shakira wins for condensing the hilarity into 12 songs (3 or which are Spanish renditions of some of the album’s tracks), Thicke wins for durability, we all win as listeners.

Singles:

1. Taylor Swift, “You Belong With Me”/“Fifteen”
I don’t think I need to say anything more about these two songs than I already have.

2. Brad Paisley, “Welcome To The Future”
Starts off praising technology with a “Glory glory Hallelujah” that sounds like trademark Paisley wittiness, but the gravitas in his voice betrays the over-the-top words; when the same words appear after the final Obama-inspired verse, the song becomes incredibly powerful. A great song by itself, but even more so in the context of country music, where social progressiveness and the concept of change are hardly embraced. Unsurprisingly, Paisley has gotten a lot of flack from country fans, but I’d bet he’d shrug that off as much as he does when he sings, “Wherever we were going, well, we’re here,” neither overstating the case but also letting the profundity speak for itself. Here is his moving performance of this song at the White House. The look on Obama’s face is wonderful.

3. Yeah Yeah Yeahs, “Zero”
I stand by what I said about Karen O’s vocals previously, though the more I listen the more this song actually does sound transcendent, and one of the YYYs few absolutely perfect songs.

4. Electrik Red, “Drink In My Cup”
Banger of the year? Cup, sip, yup…Yurrrrr!

5. Lady Antebellum, “Need You Now”
A slow-burn of a song, all gauzy drunk ache and pain. Simmering and downright erotic if you listen right, with an absolutely gorgeous piano line and “One Headlight” riff rip.

6. Drake, “Best I Ever Had”
One of the biggest musical douches of 2009, so of course he thinks “You da fuckin’ best” sounds sweet and charming. And, like a lot of douches (am I projecting?), it manages to sound sweet and charming. Even a broken clock etc.

7. Robin Thicke, “Sex Therapy”
I love the sound of those drums, I love the layering vocal production, I love how he seems to be channeling Prince, I love the Lesley Gore rip. I would hate that he references Twilight, except it is funny as shit. I would hate the title except ditto.

8. Beyonce, “Halo”
Beyonce is not actually a human being, a fact shown in her glorious cyborgness in the “Single Ladies (Put on a Ring on It)” video (Kanye was right btw, too bad he was such a dick about it) and which also proves that “Irreplaceable” is in fact her best single because it manages to make her sound like a person. Beyonce in 2009 was in full-on robot mode, and the triumph of “Halo” is that, in its beginning lines—”Remember those walls I built?/Well baby, they’re crumbling down”—it approximates emotion so well that you swear you can hear a tear short-circuiting her system, causing those walls to crumble, only to be rebooted to shouting-to-the-heavens perfection by the end.

9. Shakira, “She Wolf”
Most hilarious song of the year. Awoo, motherfuckers.

10. Justin Bieber, “One Time”/Jesse McCartney featuring T-Pain, “Body Language”/Miley Cyrus, “Party in the USA”/Demi Lovato, “Here We Go Again”
An explosion of tweens! Even though Jesse McCartney is 22. Justin Bieber is basically Jesse McCartney part 2, but even less convincing when he says “shawty.” “One Time” sees him ride a Terius production through to desexualized pubescent gloppiness (“She makes me happy”? Awwww), but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy the bounce. McCartney is at least funny when he reappropriates “That thing you got behind you is amazing,” which Terius wrote for him last year in “Leavin’,” and his “Who cares what you have to say? That body says it all!” reduction of female sexuality actually seems sweet. T-Pain adds nothing of value, which is par for the course. The universal body language of throwing one’s hands up to pop music that bridges all cultural/social/temporal lines is a big reason why “Party in the USA” is such a great song, coupled with its surfy guitar lines and synthy spray cheeze topping; part of why it is tied for #10 instead of being the rightful song of the year is Miley’s abhorrent vocal presence, as well as usage of “taximan” (not an actual word). Lastly, Demi Lovato takes the sad winsomeness of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and makes its repeated romantic mistakes sound joyful and liberating, because why even try to stop fate when you can give in and ride its wave? The guitars are why Disney princesses should listen to metal more often. Who knew that teenage-ish girls (Clarkson, Avril, Ashlee, Taylor, Demi, etc) would rock harder and better than a lot of the boys this decade?

adventures in listening: american radio

The most played songs on American radio from a roadtrip beginning in New York City and ending in Virginia, and back again. Who says the monoculture is dead? Note to radio: Start playing some new songs please, but no “Tick Tock” thanks.

11 plays
Jay-Z feat. Alicia Keys – Empire State of Mind
I must be the only New Yorker who actively dislikes this song. Jay-Z’s flow is as lazy as the rest of his late-period output (couldn’t he have stayed retired??!), with the added bonus of sounding like he’s holding in a belch on the second verse. He is decently mediocre on his third verse, which sounds like a miracle in comparison. Alicia Keys provides the proper bombast that the chorus necessitates, except she continues to sound like Alicia Keys: strained and strident and serious, and as if she’s constipated. Gassiest rap song ever? Only played once outside of the NYC/Philly area. Sounds perfect while on the BQE in Brooklyn Heights as Manhattan twinkles across the river, otherwise 5/10

Owl City – Fireflies
Sub-Postal Service twee nonsense, full of lines aiming for “clever” but ending up at “cloying.” Gained in popularity the further south we went. A moratorium must be placed on men who sing like this. 2/10

10 plays
Iyaz – Replay
Incredibly irritating chorus melody that actually serves as a meta-comment regarding the song’s content, becoming slightly charming even if there is no actual “Replay” setting on an iPod. Nice that he wants to cook her favorite meal, shame about the lousy grammar. 5/10

9 plays
Kelly Clarkson – Already Gone
OneRepublic’s Ryan Tedder sells Beyonce and Kelly Clarkson the same song; Beyonce’s sounds stately, dignified, and slightly stiff while Clarkson’s is simultaneously messier and more frigid, sounding more human in the process. Quite possibly the best and most complex-sounding vocal performance of Clarkson’s singles career. 7/10

8 plays
David Guetta feat. Akon – Sexy Bitch
Akon: “I’m tryna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful.” David Guetta: “Damn, she’s a sexy bitch.” 8/10.

Jay Sean feat. Lil Wayne – Down
Asian Ne-Yo sweet blandisms can only put off the Requisite Terrible Weezy Verse for so long. 4/10

Britney Spears – 3
Britney is always best when she’s saying absolutely nothing of worth, and this ode to menage-a-trois is as good and human as she’s sounded since “Toxic,” even if she seems to run out of batteries when she’s counting. Bonus points for making the threesome MMF and including the line “Let’s make a team/Make him say my name.” Gay sex acts on the radio are fine so long as you aren’t male. 7/10

7 plays
Jason DeRulo – Whatcha Say
I want to say that the blatant rip of Imogen Heap’s “Hide and Seek” (made popular due to The OC and an SNL parody of same) is incredibly lazy, except it actually fits the song’s narrative perfectly. Doesn’t make it any less irritating, but props due where they are earned, I guess. 6/10

6 plays
Beyonce – Sweet Dreams
Another example of the music in pop becoming gayer and gayer (see also: “Sexy Bitch,” “3″). Beyonce’s ridiculous charisma means she can pull off these bangers in her sleep; the only difference is this is more synth-oriented than beat-oriented. It’s a good look on her, as just about anything would be, even if it’s not at all Beyonce at her best. 7/10

Taylor Swift – Fifteen
Fitting that the only singer in 2009 more charismatic than Beyonce is Taylor Swift, and partly because her style of music and sound—clean, clear, and uncluttered—is so exceptionally different to everything else on pop radio. And then you get to the lyrical detail and message of the song, making it stand out even more so: A song by a young woman for young women, urging them to realize that there is more to life Out There, that there is more to life than boys and the petty dramas of high schools and small towns. A big-hearted miracle of a song, a beacon of quality in pop music, whose only flaw is its five-minute running time meaning a truncated version gets played on the radio, lopping off the final narrative twist. 9/10

i should work in cross-synergy marketing (is that a thing?)

Hey, remember this?

Well, Taylor Swift has now released a video for “Fifteen.” Does the look remind you of something?

Seriously y’all. Two great tastes that taste great together. I am the next Jon Hamm.

Also, new Friday Night Lights episodes start airing on October 28th. Taylor Swift’s “Platinum Edition” of Fearless will be released the day before. BEST WEEK EVER is what that will be.

some extra thoughts on miranda lambert

My second contribution to 10Listens is a long (too-long) write-up regarding Miranda Lambert’s long (too-long) new album Revolution. I wanted to expand on some ideas here, considering how long (too-long) that review was already.

As an objective listener and critic, the album is a definite success–a refinement of many of her lyrical themes while also allowing for new shades to her considerable songwriting prowess. This is, without a doubt, a Next Step record: one that makes the statement, “I am everything you thought, and more.”

As a fan, however, the album is a little disappointing. For one, it is much too long, and Lambert’s insistence on proving her maturity is both unnecessary and not fun. Because part of what made Crazy Ex-Girlfriend such a great album was that for every badass pose like “Gunpowder and Lead” or the title track’s uncontrollable bouts of rage, you had a rueful almost-not-quite apologia like “More Like Her.” The balance of those extremes on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend made for a full, satisfying listen; you got the sense that Lambert was completely in control of this image as a full-bodied representation. She had a temper, but knew it had its consequences. It was a smart and effortless presentation of Lambert as an artist.

Some of Revolution seems like too much effort, like Lambert proving she can play that Nashville game by blanding out her sound on “Dead Flowers” and “White Liar,” the two awful choices for singles. I wish I’d never heard either out of the context of the album, where they provide wonderful depth and nuance to a record whose seeming sole intent is to showcase same; as singles, however, they don’t resonate at all. And I realize she didn’t want to just be seen as the Tough Gal again, but something like the rip-snortin’ “Only Prettier” or the totally classic-sounding “Me and Your Cigarettes” (the other Classic–as shown on “Famous In A Small Town,” Lambert has a knack for these–on this record is “Airstream Song,” which would never get radio play because it sounds like an old standard that Emmylou Harris would’ve popularized 35 years ago) would’ve been great choices.

But I realize a lot of those concerns are extra-musical. It’s just great to have Lambert putting some energy in country music; much like Jamey Johnson last year, Lambert is proving that being true to one’s artistic vision can lead to success in country music. Just not enough to be Carrie Underwood or Kenny Chesney. But then, artists like Lambert and Johnson wouldn’t be half as special if that’s who they were trying to be.

our long national nightmare is over

Huzzah! After 79 months, the Black Eyed Peas are finally dethroned from the Hot 100’s perch by…a song much worse than “I Gotta Feeling,” called “Down.” Eh, we’ll take it I guess, even with the terrible Lil Wayne guest spot. Jay Sean is apparently the “Asian Ne-Yo.” Okay. Mazel tov! L’chaim!

lmao chicago

I don’t know how many people from Chicago (a dozen?) I’ve met who are ready to GET INTO FISTICUFFS about how much more AWESOME their city is than New York, Los Angeles, or San Francisco. Seriously Chicago has the best pizza AND burritos AND tacos AND sushi AND midgets AND beer AND teleportation modules AND meth-hookers, did you know?

And not even precious Barry could get them an Olympics.

There’s a reason you’re called Second City, dudes. But buck up: you’ll always have the Cubs!

P.S. Not that I care, but I hope it’s Rio. Because it would be SEXY.

new endeavors

I am contributing to a new website called 10 Listens, started by my buddy Jeff, and my first review is up today. I’ll say this about listening to a Yo La Tengo record ten times before reviewing it: it allowed me to get over any kind of kneejerking I had regarding this band (about whom I always felt I’d missed the boat) doing anything relevant in 2009, instead going “Oh so what?” as well as grappling through some related issues regarding my indie rock past. I don’t listen to indie rock anymore! Which is maybe why I’m down with this YLT record. But I basically feel the same way as I did to all their records: Good, kinda boring, but I appreciate it and them.

I also enjoyed getting a dig on Mets fans like me. Oh, what a terrible season it has been. You can tell how terrible because I haven’t written much about it. What is there to say beyond “Boy, we fucking suck”?

Also, Taylor Swift finally recorded something I hate.

douche-pop

The two dominant sounds of mainstream pop in 1999 were undoubtedly the melodic perkiness of teenpop (Britney, Aguilera, Backstreet Boys, and NSync) and the shouting misogyny of mook-rock (Limp Bizkit), while the underground saw the beginnings of the short-lived robo-synth hipster fagginess of electroclash (Le Tigre, Fischerspooner, Peaches). The ungodly spawn of this threesome is now making headway onto American pop radio a decade later in the form of the horribly named bands 3OH!3 and Cobra Starship.

Pictured above is 3OH!3, named for the area code of their native Boulder, CO. Don’t they look like they come from Boulder, CO? And they make music that sounds like it too. (Doesn’t blondie look like beardo Jesse McCartney?)

And this is Cobra Starship, named for no reason that I can see except that they contributed a song to the Snakes on a Plane soundtrack.

3OH!3’s “Don’t Trust Me” and Cobra Starship’s “Good Girls Go Bad” have both incredulously peaked at #7 on the Hot 100, which is apropos considering they both feature synth-fueled rave-ups supporting standard issue emo boy whine-vocals which undercut the bravado both songs/bands aim to project (main goal: treating girls like shit) while also shoe-horning cheerleader chant middle eighths that are completely unnecessary.

“Don’t Trust Me” is interesting in that in seems to aim for Lady GaGa-esque metajokeness and falls as flat as GaGa in the clever sweepstakes while also lacking her natural songwriting talent, but there’s something nearly breathtaking about the song’s (and the band’s) commitment to being Completely Wrong but sounding as if they’re Having Fun doing it. Sample lyric: “Don’t trust a ho/Never trust a ho/Won’t trust a ho/’Cause the ho won’t trust me.” Charming. And why would she?

“Good Girls Go Bad” is, in contrast, a joylessly shouty piece of braggadocio featuring actress Leighton Meester, who fulfills this song’s apparent need for a female voice to repeat the protagonist’s point of view, reinforcing his awesomeness (and her complete lack of agency, so who better than a Gossip Girl star?). Look, bravado is fun and great when people like Beyonce or Courtney Love or Tupac or even Toby fucking Keith do it, but this lead singer kid named Gabe Saporta? He has negative sexual charisma, so his boasts need a little bit more color to be convincing. And he doesn’t even provide that. Sample lyric: “I make them good girls go bad.” Oh? How? “You heard that I was trouble but you couldn’t resist?” Why is that?! “I make them good girls go bad.” Classic example of tell-not-show writing.

Both songs don’t hold a candle, however, to the repugnance of 3OH!3’s current song “Starstrukk,” which flopped so bad on release that they decided to do a remix with Katy Perry (as if this wasn’t hate-worthy enough). It sounds ugly, for one, and also has the jaw-dropping lines “I think I should know how to make love to something innocent without leaving my fingerprints out now/L-O-V-E’s just another word I never learned to pronounce.” This has none of the supposed Fun of their previous hit, and instead shows that any attempt at humor or self-awareness in “Don’t Trust Me” veiled exactly how much these two were actual sociopaths.

When I first heard these songs I thought, “Popped-collar music.” But these two bands’ self-presentation indicates how far scenesterism’s American Apparel
stunted-growth appeal has drifted into mainstream culture, now becoming Cool and Edgy. Because hipster men have always been misogynists (what do you think Exile In Guyville was reacting to?), and now the mooks are wearing the same clothes and highlighting the gross anti-woman subtleties of scene culture. And making it seem “fun.” 3OH!3 is much worse though; if Cobra Starship is just some frat dude hounding you at a bar thinking he’s all that (and calling you a bitch if you turn him down), 3OH!3 is that dude using his peculiar charm to bring you back to the house to get gang-raped. In your ears especially.