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On New Year’s Eve, my favorite uncle–a vaguely chauvinist rockist and contrarian par excellence–got on some rant about how all Beyonce songs are anti-man bitching. Considering this was after he also shockingly debated with me the merits of G.W. Bush’s presidency, I decided to leave it alone. This was also after he played Rock Band and did the best non-Bowie version of “Suffragette City” I’ve heard to date. This was also before he was really really happy that I sang “Bette Davis Eyes” during family karaoke time (the second time that week I’d done “Bette Davis Eyes” at karaoke, FYI, the first of which is documented here with the most ludicrous photo caption), as well as before we sang “Bohemian Rhapsody” and a family-singalong to “Livin’ on a Prayer,” on which we scored 100. Aside from this Jew, our family is Filipino, which means karaoke is SERIOUS BUSINESS.

Anyway, I would like to announce that I have finally heard “Single Ladies” in full for the first time. I am behind the times, not having a TV or listening to the radio (of which I did a lot while driving in California, mainly oldies until I drove to Ventura and found KHAY, which played amazing lame modern country songs about Daddy and Amerikkka). Not to say that I didn’t already know basically all of it, considering that SNL skit and also the surprise party for Joe in Berkeley, wherein his younger brother roasted him about not being married to his girlfriend of five years by saying “As a philosopher once said, ‘If you like it then you should put on a ring on it.'”

Verdict! The song’s pretty good but I have a similar rant about Beyonce songs as my uncle, though unrelated to song topics: Why does almost every Beyonce song have a horrible part in the middle (what, the bridge? I’m dumb) where she does some tuneless blathering when all you wanna do is like PLEASE JUST GET TO THE AWESOME CHORUS, BEYONCE.

Also, I kind of would like to see her play Etta James in Cadillac Records.

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