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Category Archives: politics or somesuch

I know she professes to be some kind of “performance artist,” but she’s gone too far this time.


Video here. If you can make it past, oh, let’s say the one minute mark, you win unlimited blowjobs for life by Rachel Weisz and James McAvoy.

Oh good grief, Sam the Wurzelplumber:

At a state level, it’s up to them. I don’t want it to be a federal thing. I personally still think it’s wrong. People don’t understand the dictionary—it’s called queer. Queer means strange and unusual. It’s not like a slur, like you would call a white person a honky or something like that. You know, God is pretty explicit in what we’re supposed to do—what man and woman are for. Now, at the same time, we’re supposed to love everybody and accept people, and preach against the sins. I’ve had some friends that are actually homosexual. And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn’t have them anywhere near my children. But at the same time, they’re people, and they’re going to do their thing.

UHHHHHHHHHH. “People” “don’t understand” “the dictionary”? I think we understand the dictionary just fine, guy. Let’s break it down for this craptard, shall we?

a) “Queer,” in “THE DICTIONARY,” means strange and unusual. Okay, point for you, Sam the Wurzmule. Never let it be said that I’m not being fair in our one-sided discourse.
b) “Queer” is “not a slur,” O RLY?! Why do you think gay people were originally called “queer” in the first place, hmmm???? For kicks?
c) You are the honkiest cracker that has ever lived.
d) You know how black people took the slur “nigger” and started using it? That’s kind of what happened with “queer,” you asshat.

Joe the Bacherspondent doesn’t really understand the reappropriation of language that has been of historical import in the identity politics of marginalized groups but oh, maybe that kind of thinking is too abstract and complex for poor widdle ole Joe perhaps. So maybe we should let him off the hook for not understanding COMPLICATED ISSUES, considering he thought he made $250,000 in his nonexistent plumbing business. DON’T CONFUZZLE SAMUEL.

I would like to know who these gay friends of his are. Like the gay people Sarah Palin said she knew, but that one is more obvious I mean she played basketball in Alaska for Chrissake, of course there was a lesbian or two there. But I mean…his name isn’t Joe, he isn’t actually a plumber, does this guy even HAVE kids? If he does, I can safely speak for the gay community and say, “We don’t want them around us either.” Look at Sam and the queers, coming together on this issue, ahem. And where are his kids?! Shouldn’t he be taking care of them instead of yapping to nobody?! Is that what all his jobs are for, to pay child support? TRY HARDER.

I will say though, that considering this bald old whore introduced this whole NOBAMA IZ A SOSHALIST! meme, that he’s fine with states deciding on gay marriage. States like Iowa and Massachusetts and Connecticut  and Vermont and maybe New Hampshire and Maine too, eh Joe?

So Russ Feingold likes Bon Iver. Great. Okay. The government should basically just become Pitchfork because who cares about anything else, and they are annoying and should just have iPhone ads plastered all over the place. I look forward to John Kerry waxing poetic about Vampire Weekend’s nostalgic properties, Dianne Feinstein’s breathless review (including pics) of Deerhoof’s show at the Bottom of the Hill, and Chuck Schumer interviewing Julian Casablancas and asking what the hell was up with that last record???? IT SUCKED.

A while ago I got suckered into that Fuckbook 25 Things No One Cares About You nonsense because I am a solipsistic douchebag. One of the things I wrote was this:

I don’t think men should carry tote bags or “manbags” (c’mon fellas, those are just big purses). I came to this notion while in Square Books in Oxford, MS, wondering if I should buy a tote bag (after consulting with Howorth, I ended up buying a shirt). Men should carry bags where the strap hangs at a diagonal, or backpacks, or else just use their damn pockets.

I stand by this sentiment, as awfully gender essentialist/heteronormative it may be, and give you this image as proof that I am right and you are wrong, male totebaggers:



Joe Biden, the lovable ramping douchebuffoon who told a wheelchair-bound gentleman to stand up, will give remarks at the Special Olympics.

Okay so here’s this old terrible hilarious awful amazing offensive genius chestnut:

You all are going to hell, sorry. Bless your heart.

The Huffington Post has named Aaron Schock the hottest freshman Congressman.


He had sex with the gay Portland mayor I think is his previous claim to fame.

I have bone to pick with the Huffington Post though. Clearly they have dropped the ball. Who cares about this gayface? Who’s THIS right next to Pelosi?!?!!?


First person to get this dude in my room chained to the radiator wearing Christina Ricci’s Long Snake Moan outfit gets a dollar.

Obviously I am very thrilled and optimistic in regards to all the HOPE and CHANGE that President Obama has promised for our country, taking it back from the mouth-breathing, regressive, and damaging nincompoopery of the GOP, which has enabled liberals (and I call myself one) to strut around with pride and cockiness for the first time in eight years or so. Obama’s comprehensive victory, however, is not a mandate for these self-professed liberals to be behaving as reactionary and insulting as the conservatives of this country have been during this same timespan (or even since 1994, really). This is neither hope nor change; this is a wolf in slightly more glamorous sheep-lined clothing.

Considering the dedicated feminist and queer theorist I was in Ye Olde Collegiate Days of Yore, I would be remiss if I didn’t (granted, poorly) illustrate what I mean with anecdotes. The personal is political after all. You can take the boy out of college, yada.

Before Sarah Palin squawked about a so-called “real America,” I took a trip to the South, encompassing Tennessee, Mississippi, Arkansas, and Texas. Now clearly Palin’s diction–especially when conflated with Michelle Bachman’s ludicrous line-drawing of pro- and anti-America–was loaded with intense political rancor and was entirely intellectually/morally irresponsible (surprise!), but in stripping away the implications I almost understood what she meant, as well as seeing her resentment. Because it has been clear that the past eight years in America has been comprised of entirely dichotomous partisanship, and for the “liberal elite” that has constituted a notion of the coasts as a bastion of clear-thinking and progressive thought while derisively referring to the rest of America as the “flyover states.” Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s a whole huge part of our country to be dismissing. Nearly all of it. The vast geographical portion of our country being saddled with a reputation as backwards-thinking hicks.

Certainly the South has a historical problem with racism and religious fundamentalism, though I find this constant righteous highlighting by non-Southerners (“coastal elites”) to be a bit lazy, considering the formation of the United States. To be honest, I didn’t find the South to be any more or less racist than the Northeast–the only possible difference being that racism in the Northeast is more subtle and surprising. And attitudinally, I was excited to engage with the region on its terms, to explore the differences of its lifestyles and communities, its general lack of bustling metropolises in favor of midsize cities and small towns and widespread country roads separating neighbor from neighbor–which is certainly different from my own experience, seeing as I’ve only ever lived in big cities. I enjoyed the South immensely as both a contrast to my perspective and experience as well as a portrayal of how “the rest of America,” the majority of it (“real,” perhaps), lives.

The reactions I’ve received from self-professed liberal friends and acquaintances in regards to my enjoyment of the South have always carried with them an undertone of immense shock, as if it’s impossible to enjoy life there. As if–and this is the overwhelming implication–Life As It Should Be Lived can only be found in places like New York City, and anything else is a poor simulacrum, something to be mocked. (A while ago, very well-off friends of friends took off on a tour of the southern United States in an effort to throw away some money and document the HILARIOUS Otherness of this region, like Oh Wow Fatty Diner Food. The tone that was generated throughout was an overriding sense of superiority while effectively generalizing a vast region of the country as one big Dairy Queen filled with tacky Wal-Mart fashions.) This, I think, gets to a crux of Palin and Bachman’s derisiveness of liberal elites, if only they weren’t so mealy-mouthed and hatemongering to engage this discussion. Because how must it feel to have a whole sector of society look at the lives you live, and the locales of them, and easily denigrate it as lesser, based on ill-formed thoughts and stereotype? To be called “white trash redneck hicks” without the bat of an eye (it seems that this classist epithet is most-often used by well-off white people, embarrassed by the poor whites whom they feel drag them down to the level of, say, inner city minorities). I understand their resentment, because it is exactly the mirror of their rhetoric regarding places like New York or Los Angeles or San Francisco or Boston as godless, unpatriotic cities, or painting the African-American community as full of welfare cases or Hispanics as illegal immigrants. It goes both ways, doesn’t it? It doesn’t mean that either is right.

Somewhat related to this the role of religion, and anecdotally the nastiness of so-called liberals has been felt personally in reaction to my recent visit to Salvation Mountain. I am not a religious person–and in fact the last time I was ever in a church, I stormed out because of a sermon denouncing abortion–and neither are most of the liberal friends I have. But in either the relaying or the showing of pictures of this trip, the contrast in our reactions have been marked. Uniformly, comments in regards to this structure and its story have been full of snarky derision, jokes of it being a “cult,” or dismissals of Leonard Knight’s venture as crazy. And I’ll admit that part of the allure was a certain exoticization, which was quickly replaced by awe at the depth and expression of one man’s love and faith. This isn’t even about religion in its most bastardized forms–that of Ted Haggard and Pat Robertson–but rather Christianity in possibly its purest expression. And if we liberals respect the concerns of Muslims and Jews and Hindus, I don’t see why we automatically slag off all Christians as bigoted imbeciles.

What I’m trying to say is that it pains me when friends and acquaintances of mine who are self-professed liberals make dismissive, reactionary comments towards people based on their region, lifestyle, and beliefs. It is as disgusting and ugly as the dismissive, reactionary comments that the Christian Right has been making about us. Just because we now have a plurality of representation in governmental leadership does not make it okay for us to be as dumb and reductive, combative and close-minded as they have been. It is hypocritical for someone to call themselves a liberal and then to be so close-minded with respect to people they are ideologically different from; you aren’t going to induce progress with that attitude. (The preaching-to-the-choir protests of Prop 8 are but the most recent illustrations of this.) Liberals and conservatives need to work together, and with respect to boot. Take a page out of the playbook of Patron Saint of Hope and Change. Our country deserves better than what it’s been, and I’d like to see more than just red and blue.

A political sex scandal (and GAY, no less!) where both participants are INCREDIBLY GOOD-LOOKING, WHAT?!

Here is newly-elected, probably soon-to-be-ousted, Portland mayor Sam Adams:


And here is his Lewinsky, a young man with the ludicrously gay porn-ready name of Beau Breedlove:


I mean, really. This is a landmark moment in politics that could have only happened after the inauguration of a black president. So, Rick Warren aside, THANK YOU OBAMA FOR ALL THIS HOPE AND CHANGE. Yes we can have political scandals where you don’t want to vomit at the thought of the participants en flagrante delicto.

Also I get that everyone is gaga over Breedlove because a) how is that name not already used for like a Sean Cody model; and b) he is a hot piece of young ass. Okay, but really? Not anything that spectacular. Oooooh he’s skinny yawn. But look at Sam Adams! Way hotter, rowr.

I have woken up now, thank you Portland.

I was going to talk about this Obama/Rick Warren thing especially considering the amount of people I know who are so LA LA LA ST. OBAMA! ❤ but I didn’t really know how to articulate my conflict between POLITICS DUH and GAYRAGE.

And then, amidst the poop jokes and hyperbole, Wonkette (! of all places!) went ahead and made any further comment from me redundant:

But it was a dick move by Obama, mostly because of all the very recent publicity Warren has received for helping out-of-state Mormons amend the California state constitution to dissolve civil marriages between consenting same-sex adults who live together in private. This was an evil thing, Prop 8, evil and immoral and incredibly hurtful to a lot of people. And when Obama brings in someone so attached to this current ugliness as Warren to give a speech at his Presidential Ceremony, that’s an unusually cruel and timely reminder to the gay community that the Democratic Party will not push for their “equal rights;” for Obama to claim otherwise at this press conference is a lie.